**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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