i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
