flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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