So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
