i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
