dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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