the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
