Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
