someone threw a dead crab at me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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