Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
