he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
