there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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