I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
