accomplished twins. life is a go
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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