The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
