I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
