i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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