she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
