The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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