Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
