So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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