Where did you get a picture of my penis
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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