im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
