man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
