That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
