my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
