DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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