I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
