I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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