I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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