apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
