I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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