You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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