Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
