i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
