She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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