I want to have your abortion
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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