i need an iv and a liver transplant
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
