i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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