haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my shit smells like andre
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
