So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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