what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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