i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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