She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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