I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
