I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
