ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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