I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
