shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
