ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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