Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize