What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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