U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
