I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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