guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize