I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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