I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
