Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
