I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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