We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
