I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize