Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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