I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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