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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
