If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
