The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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