I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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