you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
