i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
