I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Four minutes until I can fart!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And then he peed in my hair
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