He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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