i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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