NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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