Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
