i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
