so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize